dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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