At least make sure they are 18
Why
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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