the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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