look no pants
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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