it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
