We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
