I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
