Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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