But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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