I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
