Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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