I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
