I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
