picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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