I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
