If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
