It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Acid is not a monday night drug
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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