I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
