I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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