look no pants
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
