I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
