I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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