Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
