I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
