you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
