I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
