i love accidental penises.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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