in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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