Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
