I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
