Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
