Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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