My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
