You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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