so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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