Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
