I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
