Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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