Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
