forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
