We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
