im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
