Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
