How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
