we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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