I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
