You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
