We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
