So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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