No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
