also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
