I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
