Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
