Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
